Happy New Year's Eve!

What a shockingly nice day this was! I may not have made any (seriously, none whatsoever) healthy choices, but this was exactly the kind of day I needed to feel like I have a little bit of control. I got to sleep in a bit, took the girls out to lunch with friends, both mine and theirs, and took the dogs for a long but leisurely stroll without the kids demanding to go home. Now, it is long since bedtime for those same kids, and Steve is out picking us up some Chinese food. We may not stay up until midnight, but the fact that we're planning on watching Downton Abbey (his choice, I swear) does not make us any less cool. Ok, it does. Whatever.

I hope this is an indication that the new year is going to bring with it some peace and joy, as that is what today was filled with. Happy New Year's!

Oh Whole Foods

I'm not a dumb person, but perhaps it is time to admit that I am a sucker for the allure of Whole Foods. Maybe it is the adrenaline rush from surviving the parking lot (aka the most dangerous place on Earth) but just stepping foot into the store makes me feel like the kind of person who happily eats quinoa stir fry for dinner. I smugly fill my twee little cart with fresh produce, and quinoa of course, and check out a few hundred dollars lighter. But that's ok, because, health! Once home, I wonder what the hell I am meant to be making with all these leafy green things?

So far so good today. Oatmeal for breakfast, a Green Monster shake for lunch, and I'm about to drag the family and dogs out into the freezing cold for a hike. Thanks Whole Foods for making me believe that today, at least, I can.

Universe, are you joking?

It seems like this happens every time I try to get my weight/exercise habits/eating habits back on track; some random but somewhat debilitating health issue pops up, and I am back in a comfort eating rut. A few months ago, when finally feeling like my knee was ready to start exercising, and when I had the energy to start cooking again, I had impacted, infected wisdom teeth that had to come out. No big deal, until I also developed a locked jaw and throat infections post-op that consumed the month of November.

Finally, healthy again and ready to roll, the kids and I were brought down by some kind of never ending respiratory bug. No big deal, it happens every winter. But this cold brought me a special gift. I've been deaf in my right ear since birth, which has never really bothered me. But in the midst of this cold, I developed something called bullous myrngitis, which is blisters behind the ear drums, and rarely accompanied by neurological hearing loss. I lost a good chunk of the hearing in my good ear, and am now on steroids and antibiotics trying to get my hearing back. We'll know in a few weeks how much loss will be permanent, and whether or not I need a hearing aid.

I am trying very hard not to let this get me down. This is far from the end of the world, but I am also only human, and I am feeling like I would just like to catch a break. I don't want to be a "sickly" person, who is always whining about her health, so most people don't have any idea about any of this.

Since exercise is again on hiatus until the pressure in my ear recedes, I am left with trying to manage the comfort eating I so crave, which is being seriously spurred on by the huge dose of steroids I am on. I've gained 10 lbs of water weight in the past week since this happened. That is pretty hard to swallow too, and makes me feel like I don't have a lot of control right now.

I'd like to make some bold, strong statement about making positive life changes in the midst of this uncertainty, but honestly, I just can't. Not today. Maybe tomorrow.

So bad. So very bad.

Well, I did exactly what I swore not to do. I gave up, and I wasn't honest about it. Life got real, and I could blame that, but no, it was me doing the same thing I've always done, and that sucks. Now I am even heavier than when I began this blog, and I am pretty disappointed about that. The GREAT news is that my knee is finally feeling usable, so now I will begin this journey yet again, but this time, I will do so with the ability to exercise at least somewhat.

New starting weight: 194.
Attitude: overwhelmed.

Day Three

I made it the whole day without spending any time in bed.  That is quite the achievement!  We went and looked at a potential home purchase today, which I will go ahead and toss in the positive life changes category, as it is a single story house.  My knee would greatly appreciate that change, though I am quite positive we won't get the house.  The market around here is just too hot, and our offer wasn't competitive.

I'm starting to notice an increase in my energy levels.  Maybe it is because I am down to one crutch, so moving isn't is as exhausting, or maybe because I'm losing weight.  Either way, the change snow ball has started rolling downhill, and I am finding myself feeling like I am going to succeed.

Day Two

I am sitting here on my couch, leg propped up, looking out of my window at the joggers flying by.  It is sort of depressing.  I never loved running, but I do miss it, yet even if my knee feels 100% better after this, it would be foolish to put that kind of stress on a surgery that probably has a shelf life.

Rather than dwelling on what I can't do, I will instead be attempt to be proud of myself for the fact that I am sitting downstairs instead of up in bed.  I am down to one crutch, which means I can carry my own cup of coffee over to the couch.  Yesterday I went to music class with the girls, and the day before I managed to go to school pick up.  These are HUGE milestones, considering I was told that this surgery is incredibly difficult to recover from.  Each thing I am able to do means I am one step closer to being able to take care of my girls again.

So no, I will never be out there jogging on a Saturday morning, but by the time my daughter starts sports camp in July, I bet I am able to walk to the park with her, and that is pretty amazing too.

Day 1

While the temptation was strong to start this project on Monday, I think that leaves me a weekend of making bad decisions on purpose, so today is go day.  I will do weigh-ins every Friday, and include some pictures so I can track if my body is changing even if the scale is not.

Because the point of this is to change my lifestyle, not just my weight, I would like to document the positive decisions I make during the day, both physical and nutritionally.  So you don't have to stare at my food log, I am going to keep that on a separate page.  It is there is you want to read it, but just skip it if you don't.  

So, without further ado, today begins with a weigh in and a few photos.

Please excuse the mess in the background.  Cleaning up isn't exactly high on the list of priorities at the mo.

Hello, I guess?

Yet another mom blog.  But wait, don't go.  Seven years ago, while working as a firefighter, I completely destroyed my knee.  Since then I have had four surgeries, two children, and a whole lot of food-as-medication.  On the day of my injury, my weight was somewhere around 160 pounds, but on the day of my most recent surgery, my weight was up around 190.

I am now three weeks post op, and though I am still on crutches, I feel mentally strong enough to put down the pizza and start working towards getting control of my life and my health.  Since surgery, I have lost a bit of weight (183) but that is pretty much just muscle atrophy as I am really not allowed to do much.  My goal is to hit 150 by September, and while it is a big leap, I think it is doable.

For now, I am a bit stuck eating whatever my husband can manage to toss on the table in between working two jobs, cleaning the house, and caring for the kids, but once I am able to cook again, my plan is to loosely follow the Forks over Knives guide to eating.  This is basically a vegan diet, which is going to be a serious overhaul for my pasta and cheese loving, fruit and vegetable hating self.  Why so drastic?  I am overweight, I have high cholesterol, and I want to set a good example for my girls.  I want them to see a mom with a healthy attitude towards food-as-fuel.  I don't have a history of success with diet modification, so this time I am trying lifestyle and mindset modification.

I also want them to see a mom who exercises for pleasure, not for some kind of punishment.  I am going to experiment with different forms of exercise until I find something that makes me feel happy.

I would be honored and thrilled if you followed me on this journey and occasionally sent some words of encouragement my way.  In return, I promise to be completely honest about this journey, warts and all.