Happy New Year's Eve!

What a shockingly nice day this was! I may not have made any (seriously, none whatsoever) healthy choices, but this was exactly the kind of day I needed to feel like I have a little bit of control. I got to sleep in a bit, took the girls out to lunch with friends, both mine and theirs, and took the dogs for a long but leisurely stroll without the kids demanding to go home. Now, it is long since bedtime for those same kids, and Steve is out picking us up some Chinese food. We may not stay up until midnight, but the fact that we're planning on watching Downton Abbey (his choice, I swear) does not make us any less cool. Ok, it does. Whatever.

I hope this is an indication that the new year is going to bring with it some peace and joy, as that is what today was filled with. Happy New Year's!

Oh Whole Foods

I'm not a dumb person, but perhaps it is time to admit that I am a sucker for the allure of Whole Foods. Maybe it is the adrenaline rush from surviving the parking lot (aka the most dangerous place on Earth) but just stepping foot into the store makes me feel like the kind of person who happily eats quinoa stir fry for dinner. I smugly fill my twee little cart with fresh produce, and quinoa of course, and check out a few hundred dollars lighter. But that's ok, because, health! Once home, I wonder what the hell I am meant to be making with all these leafy green things?

So far so good today. Oatmeal for breakfast, a Green Monster shake for lunch, and I'm about to drag the family and dogs out into the freezing cold for a hike. Thanks Whole Foods for making me believe that today, at least, I can.

Universe, are you joking?

It seems like this happens every time I try to get my weight/exercise habits/eating habits back on track; some random but somewhat debilitating health issue pops up, and I am back in a comfort eating rut. A few months ago, when finally feeling like my knee was ready to start exercising, and when I had the energy to start cooking again, I had impacted, infected wisdom teeth that had to come out. No big deal, until I also developed a locked jaw and throat infections post-op that consumed the month of November.

Finally, healthy again and ready to roll, the kids and I were brought down by some kind of never ending respiratory bug. No big deal, it happens every winter. But this cold brought me a special gift. I've been deaf in my right ear since birth, which has never really bothered me. But in the midst of this cold, I developed something called bullous myrngitis, which is blisters behind the ear drums, and rarely accompanied by neurological hearing loss. I lost a good chunk of the hearing in my good ear, and am now on steroids and antibiotics trying to get my hearing back. We'll know in a few weeks how much loss will be permanent, and whether or not I need a hearing aid.

I am trying very hard not to let this get me down. This is far from the end of the world, but I am also only human, and I am feeling like I would just like to catch a break. I don't want to be a "sickly" person, who is always whining about her health, so most people don't have any idea about any of this.

Since exercise is again on hiatus until the pressure in my ear recedes, I am left with trying to manage the comfort eating I so crave, which is being seriously spurred on by the huge dose of steroids I am on. I've gained 10 lbs of water weight in the past week since this happened. That is pretty hard to swallow too, and makes me feel like I don't have a lot of control right now.

I'd like to make some bold, strong statement about making positive life changes in the midst of this uncertainty, but honestly, I just can't. Not today. Maybe tomorrow.

So bad. So very bad.

Well, I did exactly what I swore not to do. I gave up, and I wasn't honest about it. Life got real, and I could blame that, but no, it was me doing the same thing I've always done, and that sucks. Now I am even heavier than when I began this blog, and I am pretty disappointed about that. The GREAT news is that my knee is finally feeling usable, so now I will begin this journey yet again, but this time, I will do so with the ability to exercise at least somewhat.

New starting weight: 194.
Attitude: overwhelmed.